Low Profile

Yeah, so I haven't posted anything in this blog for awhile. Did you miss me? Of course you did.

I've been all sorts of busy. Between Quick Kill Formula, Menthol Box, my day job, and spending time with "The Cool Chick From A Previous Post (no, I will not post her name-too many freaks read this blog)," I've been busier than a one-legged man at an ass kicking contest. Damn, I love that saying.

Also, I've been laying low online since I've had to deal with my very own stalker. Some odd-looking young dipshit who I met at a Menthol Box gig thought that by me giving her a Q.K.F. disc, I wanted to date her. She was all drunk and creepy and hanging on me, saying shit like "You're hot. I want to hook up with you. Give me your phone #." I needed an easy out, so I gave her a disc and told her to check out our website and come to a show. I had NO interest in this chick, but I figured it's always good to get people to our gigs. I went home, and forgot all about it.

Imagine my surprise when, the very next day, this chick had e-mailed Quick Kill, interested in coming to a gig. We had a show coming up that Friday in NYC, so I e-mailed her back, telling her to round up a bunch of her pals for the gig, and to call me if she needed directions. Big Mistake #1. I hadn't yet realized now nutty this chick was. Nuttier than squirrel shit.

She called me back that evening and left a message. Something about the message creeped me out. I couldn't quite tell what it was, but I tend to follow my gut instinct, and my gut was telling me to blow her off. So, I decided not to return her phone call.

She called again the next day. Twice. She e-mailed me again. Twice. I neither called or e-mailed her back, because now I could definitely tell something was a bit..off about this chick. The phone calls and e-mails continued, and I ignored them all. I figured she would take the hint that I wasn't interested. Big Mistake #2. The e-mails became downright weird, telling me that she thought I was "hot," and that she was a virgin, but wanted to "hook up" with me. She typed how her folks were going away for the weekend, and invited me over to drink and hang out in the hot tub with her. She sent me pictures of herself. I shit you not. As a matter of fact, I saved most of the e-mails (they're hysterical-piss poor grammar, spelling, punctuation, and content). Perhaps I will post them here.

The thing is, after I continued to ignore her for a few weeks (weeks!), she became hostile. She started her own blog (beg me, and I may post the URL) in which she commented on my blog, and called me "an old man who thinks he's a player," and all this other shit. Still, I ignored her. I knew she was trying to piss me off so I would respond to her, giving her the attention she craved. She set up a profile on myspace.com, in which she continued to lambaste me in yet another blog. She accused me of "stealing her idea" of starting up a profile for Quick Kill and not giving her credit. Bullshit. Our manager set up our profile a few weeks prior to any of this shit. I only set up my own account so I could keep tabs on the band stuff.

So, on and on this went. At first, I admit, I found it amusing. My friends and I joked about setting up a betting pool on how long it would be before she finally left me alone. She would even send me e-mails to the effect of "I can tell you aren't interested, so this will be my last e-mail," only to send me yet another e-mail the next day. Creepy. I began to tire of being vilified for no reason.

Finally, one night I snapped. I figured if ignoring her wouldn't work, perhaps hostility would. I posted in my myspace blog (which I knew she was keeping tabs on) about how I met a creepy loser online who was stalking me. I didn't use any names, or anything, but I made sure she could tell it was about her. Big Mistake #3. She lost her friggin' mind, posting about what a "prick" I am, and getting her pals to post shit on her site and mine. Ick.

She then sent me an e-mail telling me she would leave me alone. She deleted her blog posts about me(well, most of them). Out of common decency, I did the same with my blog, and called off the electronic Armageddon I was poised to unleash on her dumb ass. All was (apparently) well.

Not so. Against my better judgment, I decided to check in on her myspace spot. I just had a feeling. I was right. This dipshit was STILL posting nonsense about me. So were her friends. One called me a "petafile." Nice spelling, genius. What did I do to deserve this? I never "led her on," or expressed any interest of that sort. I was just trying to build the Q.K.F. fan base. Feh.

So, there you have it. I know this ran a bit long, but a bunch of my friends wanted the whole story about my "stalker," and I hate repeating myself. Now it is online for all to see. I'm sure my "stalker" is reading this, as well. Remember, toerag, if you had kept your word about letting this drop, I would never have typed this. Continue to besmirch my "good name," and I will not hesitate to post URLs for all of your little blogs and profiles. My minions are a bloodthirsty, evil lot, and eagerly await my command to unleash electronic Hell.

You know what? I think after I post this, I'll look through the (many) e-mails she sent, and post one for you, my children, to read. Just so you can get a taste of what I've had to deal with lately.

Sheeeit.