The Universe Is Mocking Me

After the drug and alcohol and fueled maelstrom that was my Labor Day weekend, I decided to take the week off from my evil ways. There's no Quick Kill rehearsal this week, since Big Daddy Den-Den is on vacation in the Dominican Republic. I figured this is as good a time as any to stay dry for a few days.

What better way to avoid the bars than by staying in and watching a few DVDs? So, I spent some of my gig earnings on a couple movies and a big bag of Twizzlers. Strawberry Twizzlers-not chocolate, or black licorice, or whatever the fuck the other flavor is. If you actually enjoy that shit, you suck.

Tuesday was a long (11 hour) work day, and I was looking forward to plopping my ass down in front of my TV, surround sound system cranked, to watch "The Punisher." I hadn't seen The Punisher in the theaters, which is odd, since I usually go see "comic book" movies during the first few days of their release. I was busy back when it came out (in April), and just never got around to seeing it. I had read that it wasn't very good, but, fuck it-I grew up reading the comic, and I was ready for some mindless entertainment. Big guns, big 'splosions, and all that great gratutious violence that us men-folk love.

So, I sat with my Twizzlers and my can of "Monster Energy Drink." (I love that awful crap-sue me.) No alcohol, no drugs, just a Big, Dumb Movie and Nasty, Sugary Snacks. Good, clean fun.

About a half-hour into the movie The Bad Guys kill The Good Guy's family. What does The Good Guy do before avenging the deaths of his loved ones? He goes on a bender.

A bourbon bender, to be more accurate.

A WILD TURKEY BENDER, TO BE VERY FUCKING PRECISE!!!

GAH!

I couldn't fucking believe it. There I was, determined to enjoy an evening without booze, drugs, or slutty chicks, and the goddamn movie has the lead character drinking my favourite alcoholic beverage! Not just once, mind you. Several times throughout the flick, he's shown downing a bottle of Turkey. Unreal.

It just goes to show, The Universe is mocking me. I cannot escape my "rock and roll lifestyle," even when I try. No, I did not join in the bourbon swilling that night, for my will is a thing made of iron, and I had vowed to take the week off from drinking. I am nothing if not a man of my word. But, fer fucksake, it ain't fair to tempt a guy like that.

Stupid Universe, quit mocking me!




I am going to drink like a fuggin' fiend at The Grasshopper on Friday, you bet your ass....