Obi-Shawn Kenobi

Before I begin with my nonsense, I just want to type a thing or two about the shocking and senseless murder of Dimebag Darrell Abbot. I'm sure you all know what happened, so I won't repeat it here. I'm also sure that if you are reading this, then you have also (probably) read my previous post about hanging out with Dime just last week.

I was going to eulogize Dimebag, and write about what an influence and inspiration he is to me (and so, so many other musicians). I was going to go into more details about hanging out with Dime, and how he was so fucking jovial, friendly, and laid back. I was going to type a list of which Pantera songs are my favourites, and why. But I can't. I'm just (still) too fucked up over the whole thing. To finally meet (and party with) one of my rock and roll idols, then to have him taken away from all of us so needlessly (only four days after I met him) is just too brutal to write about.

If anyone had ever told me that there would come a day that I would tear up while listening to a Pantera song, I would've called them crazy. I feel especially bad for Dennis. He's the biggest Dimebag Darrell fan I ever met, and he was just beginning to form an actual friendship with Dime. It blew his mind to think that his "Guitar God" knew who Dennis Kimak is, and listened to and enjoyed Quick Kill Formula. Dennis is actually flying out to Texas Tuesday morning to attend the memorial service, then flying back home on Wednesday. That's how much of a fan Dennis is, and that's how much Darrell's music (and life) means to him.

Shit, I guess I typed a bit more about the whole thing than I had anticipated. I'm a chatty bitch. I don't want to dwell on unhappy shit any longer, so I guess it's time to address the title of this post...

"OBI-SHAWN KENOBI:"

I was at The Grasshopper Too Friday night (big surprise), in a pretty shitty mood (see above). I was getting ready to leave and it was raining, so I raised the hood of my brand-new, kickass, black hoodie. It's ever so warm and comfortable, and I love it long time. My friend, Kristen, took one look at my hooded, fully bearded visage, and said "Take it easy, Obi-Wan."

I laughed my ass off. I'm a big Star Wars fan. I was six years old when the original film hit the theatres, and it pretty much dominated my childhood from then on. In fact, I'm still a bit of a goon when it comes to all things Star Wars. How else would you explain me taking an hour of my life to download the new two minute trailer (actually, it's 1:47) on my shitty dial-up connection? Nerd. So, I love when anyone references Star Wars. Shit, Kevin Smith built a career on Star Wars references. I especially love when chicks talk Star Wars-that's hot.

I had never considered the "Obi-Wan look" to be a part of my style. Sure, I'm sporting my traditional wintertime full beard and walking around in a hood, but I would've never made the connection. I had been planning to shave this week (I still am), but I had to commemorate the occasion of being likened to one of my fictional heroes.

What to do?

Two words: lightsaber photo.

Yes, I do own a lightsaber or two. Okay, I own three. The first one is a ROTJ Skywalker model. If you know exactly what that means, you might be a nerd (apologies to Jeff Foxworthy). It was a birthday gift from my sister (also a Star Wars goon) several years ago. It has served me well over time. I've used it to swat at flies and moths. It's come in handy as a low-power flashlight when the power goes out. I've even used it to whack the occasional unruly houseguest in the head as a warning gesture.

My second saber is a TPM Maul-style blade. I mean, c'mon, even though the movie itself was %75 bollocks (and I'm being generous), Darth Maul and his double-bladed saber kicked ass. Until, of course, he got taken down like a fucking punk by Kenobi. What the fuck was that all about? After kicking the shit out of two Jedi Knights (okay, one Jedi Knight and one Padawan, whatever), you're gonna just stand there like an f-tard and let the friggin' apprentice cut you in two? Horseshit. Anyway, the saber was cool beans, so I bought one.

My newest acquisition is only a few weeks old. It's an AotC Obi-Wan saber, and it rocks. Toys 'R' Us had them on sale for half off. How could I resist? The coincidence of being called "Obi-Wan" just weeks after buying the saber was, umm...coincindental. (Fuck you, it's late.) I decided to geek out, and take a digital pic of me with my hood up, brandishing my Obi-Wan lightsaber.

Now, there was no way in Hell I was gonna do this sober. Even I have some pride. Half a bottle of Wild Turkey (big surprise) later, I was ready. I tried different lighting techniques, since the camera's flash was just too bright. I finally settled on a decent arrangement, and took the picture.

After loading the pic into my computer, I noticed one minor detail. It sucked. The background was my stupid room, with all sorts of non-Star Wars crap strewn about all willy-nilly. The lightsaber itself looked like shit. The blade wasn't bright enough, and it looked like a cheap piece of plastic. (To be fair, it is, indeed, a cheap piece of plastic.)

Something had to be done.

I popped the pic over into my ghetto-fabulous "Microsoft Picture It! 2001 Publishing" program, and went to work. The background was easy enough to fix, it was a simple matter of choosing from a multitude of Star Wars-related pictures handily available on the good ol'internet. The saber effect was a bitch. It took me several tries to get something decent, and the end result isn't even that great. (I know lightsabers don't actually have an arcing lightning effect like I added, but I like it-fuck off, purists.) It was getting late, and I was too tired to care anymore. I figured I'd go back and fuck with it some more tomorrow, so I went to bed.

After looking at it today, I decided I kind of like it. It's got a certain sort of geeky charm. Or not. Most people would be too embarrassed to actually post such a picture online, but, I'm not most people. Shit, if I can post about burning my coolie with medicated powder awhile back, I can certainly share this with you, my people.

Go to http://www.losinfartos.homestead.com/obishawn.html for the picture. Take special notice of the sound effect I added to the page. Yes, I truly am that much of a nerd. And I wouldn't change it for the world...