Recycling...

I found this "survey" that I filled out on Myspace a few weeks ago that seemed to garner a few chuckles from the teeming masses. I know many of my pals that read this blog aren't privy to my Myspace ramblings, so I thought I'd repost it here so everyone could revel in my "comic stylings."

Besides- I'm too hammered to post actual, new content here. On this day. Friggin' B.A.G. Thursdays...

Date: May 25, 2006 12:43 AM

...thanks to everyone tonight for the many, many shots- my little enablers...

1. How tall are you barefoot?
6'0"

2. Have you ever been unfaithful in a relationship?
I plead innocent of all charges.

3. Do you own a gun?
Yup, a Mossberg 20 gauge, pump-action shotgun. Luckily for me and my enemies, I keep it at my Father's house.

4. If you had a mental disorder, what would it be?
Do you want the list alphabetically, or in order of how seriously they affect my life? I'm nuttier than squirrel shit.

5. How many letters are in your crush's name?
I honestly don't have a serious "crush" right now. On this day. Sorry, ladies. Heh.

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
A necessary evil.

7. What's your favorite Christmas song?
"A Necessary Evil"- by Danzig
(Okay, it's not a real song, but it should be. Get on that shit, Danzig!)

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Lately, Sparks Plus. Fuck you- don't look at me like that.

9. Do you do push-ups?
On rare occasions. Exceedingly rare occasions.

10. Have you ever done cocaine?
Why? Are you holding? Is William Holden here? Did you bring Holden Caufield with you? Answer me, damn you!

To quote Rodney Dangerfield: "I don't do coke, I just like the way it smells."

11. Do you have a current obsession?
I'm Coo-Coo for Cocoa Puffs.
And cocaine (just kidding).


(About the Cocoa Puffs)

12. Do you like the rain?
Yes, except for when it floods my house. And also when it borrows my car and returns it with an empty tank. Lazy, irresponsible rain.

14. Do you own a knife?
I told you- I got those cuts on my arms by accident. I fell. Or something. Yeah, that's it...I fell. Into, like, sticker bushes, or something. Perfectly symmetrical sticker bushes.

15. Do you have ADD?
I'm sorry...what was the question? I was busy cataloguing my scabs.

16. Full initials?
S.P.H.M.F'er

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment.
*Ummm...
*So...yeah...
*Thoughts are...thoughtful..and stuff.

18. Name the last 3 things you have bought today.
*Shots for the band
*Powerade
*A Judge

19. Name five drinks you regularly drink, in order most to least.
*Wild Turkey
*Beer
*Sparks
*Powerade
*More Wild Turkey


20. What time did you wake up today?
10:20 am, and that was a Herculean task in and of itself.

21. Can you spell?
I like to sit for a spell. I'm old.

22. Current Worry?
All of that blood in my urine. And Mexicans. I mean, there aren't any Mexicans in my urine (that would be bizarre), I just think they're all against me. I know they're plotting my doom...

23. Current hate?
"Current" hate? Ha. My hate is Eternal and Everlasting. And also raspberry flavored. With Yellow No. 5.

24. Favorite place to be?
Happy Bourbon Funtime Land. Otherwise known as "unconscious."

25. Least favorite place to be?
In the jail of her arms.

26. Where would you like to go?
A galaxy far, far away...

27. Do you own slippers?
I'm beginning to think they own me...

29. Do you burn or tan?
I tend to turn mauve. I'm a bonafide Medical Marvel.

30. Yellow or blue?
Are we talking about my jaundice, or my balls?

31. Would you be a pirate?
This question frightens and confuses me, for several reasons.

32. Last time your cell rang?
I have the best cell Calling Plan ever. It's the "Hey, Can I Borrow Your Phone?" Plan. Unlimited minutes, and no roaming charges. For me. Whoa-yeahyee!

33. What songs do you sing in the shower?
Either Tom Waits or The Mills Brothers. If I have a sore throat, I'm all about The Smith Brothers. If I want a laugh- the Smothers Brothers. If I want to eat popcorn while smuggling a 70's style tape recorder into a concert...The Doobie Brothers. If I want to hear "Whippin' Post" played for twenty minutes... need I go on?

34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
Uncle Grabbyhands

35. What's in your pockets right now?
"I've got one hand in my pocket..." Ummm, actually, I'm not wearing pants as I type this. And my balls are freezing. I need a nut cozie.

36. Last thing that made you laugh.
"nut cozie"

37. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
Uncle Grabbyhands and his nut cozie.